Bakeries, Spiders, and BIG Dreams

Wow. The responses I’ve received from my first post have seriously warmed my heart. It is terrifying to put myself out there for the world to see and I was nervous about how my blog would read. I didn’t want it to come across as sad and depressing but I also didn’t want to sugar coat things. As I stated at the end of my first post, I want to show the world that that it is okay to be sad and happy at the same time, that it is possible to experience the worst pain and still live each day with a sense of pride, a desire for growth, and a fresh and positive outlook on life. I’m thankful for those who read my post, for all of the kind messages I received, and for the opportunity to keep going. But I have to be honest, I’ve been scared to post again because really, how do I move on from the last one? Here goes nothing!

We’ve been in California for almost a full month and we are LOVING it. It is so pretty here. The trees create sort of a tunnel as you stroll through the streets, the sound of the distant train is beautifully comforting, and the sense of possibility is unbelievable freeing. We’ve spent lots of time exploring and just hanging out. I am definitely a small town girl and we lived in a ridiculously small town together for the last 6 years. But I missed good restaurants, live music, new people, and bustling streets. We definitely found that here! We spent a couple hours walking around downtown, checking out different places, and just enjoying our time together.

While we are loving it here, there are a few downsides. It is HOT. We are definitely going to need a pool! Also, there are spiders EVERYWHERE. Our little cottage is adorable and the patio is beautiful but if you look closer, you will see what I’m talking about. I went outside to water and I seriously felt like I was going to be mauled by spiders. Have you ever seen the movie, Arachnophobia? I felt like I was in that film. I immediately called the bug guys and they LAUGHED at me. They said that this area is known for bugs. I WILL DIE.

Another downside is that this place has a delicious bakery on every corner. I sort of forgot that bakeries even existed. Donuts just come from grocery stores, right? Not here! And I am not even a sweets person but oh my goodness. We found this cute little bakery and I’m sad to report that we went there THREE DAYS IN A ROW. You guys. The chocolate brownies are rich and delicious and evil.

But, I’m proud to report that it was just a brief phase and we have been bakery free for the last 10 days. Whoop!

Another adjustment has been dealing with all of the time I now have. I have all of these hopes and goals and dreams and I am just trying to figure out how to facilitate my days so BIG things happen. I have really loved spending my time helping others set and reach goals. It definitely fills the hole I’m feeling from not teaching. Yesterday was the first day of school at my old job and my students were texting me all day. It was such a strange feeling.

I miss them so much! So although I’m excited about this new journey, my heart is definitely still with them!

Those of you who know me or follow me on Facebook or Instagram know that I LOVE home workouts. T25, Cize, The 21 Day Fix, Body Beast. I love them all. Sadly, we don’t have room in our little cottage for a weight bench so we can’t do Body Beast, which is a weight lifting program. So, we decided to join a gym. I have never really been a fan of them because of all the sweat and germs and heavy breathing. But, we found a place that is crazy cheap and decided to try it out. I’m doing cardio at home in the mornings and then we go to the gym together in the afternoons. So far, so good!

I feel like there are one billion things I want to write about, but I’ll save the details of our first day trip, an update on how our fury littles are adjusting to a new place, and my various reunions with old friends for another post.I’m actually going on a road trip to Oregon with a new friend on Thursday and I am SO excited! I’m also nervous. She lives in my hometown and I haven’t been back there for 7 years. I took Cody there when we were dating. The thing is, both of my parents were alive. It’s going to be pretty emotional to go back to the place I grew up knowing that they are both gone now. I have such fond memories of that tiny little town and I hope that I am flooded with joy and love. I’m sure you’ll hear all about it next week!

I’ll leave you with a quote I found from Emily Dickinson that has been on my mind a lot lately. I love that WE choose how our lives play out. I spent too much time letting life pass me by and just being a statue in it. I’m so excited to steer my own course, create new paths, and experience each day with a sense of wonder and possibility!

by

I am a 30 year old California native who just moved back to the state after being away for 10 years. In that time, I've established a career that I love and spent the last 3 years completely invested in. I absolutely love teaching high school, but I have an overwhelming sense of regret that I let my love for my students and my desire to help them take away the time I could have spent with my mom and my husband. It is for this reason, plus my overwhelming desire for adventure, that I've asked my husband if we could move back to my home state. I'm coming back fulfilled and confident but completely broken as I've now lost both parents. I'm just trying to put back the pieces as I figure out how to honor both of them while truly being happy and moving forward. I'm essentially starting fresh, as a lifelong mourner. Each day is a tribute to them and to my marriage. I feel a rush of excitement and I know that though the change is HUGE, it is going to be incredible. My dream is to laugh every day, allow myself to grieve my losses, regain my relationship with God, and build a stronger relationship with my love. Cheers to new adventures!

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